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My relationship with Lord Krishna
By HH Satsvarupa das Goswami
Submitted by Manoj
For me, God is not only an interesting subject to write about. He is the Lord of my life, protecting me in the world where there is danger at every step. I sought God out in other traditions even after coming to Krsna consciousness, because I wanted to see Him and hear how others were finding Him. Finally I returned to the bhdgavata tradition. I want to be true and chaste to this one.
Everyone but the destroyer of the animals and the killer of the soul will like to hear about Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Those who are already perfect, those who want to be perfect, and those wallowing in sense gratification will all find His pastimes attractive. Therefore, we should develop our relationship with Him through hearing from the Bhagavatam.
"As soon as one attentively and submissively hears the message of Bhagavatam, by this culture of knowledge the Supreme Lord is established within his heart" (Bhag. 1. 1. 2).
Hiranyakasipu tauntingly asked Prahlada, "Tell me about Krsna." Prahlada replied, "It is not possible for someone like you, with uncontrolled senses, to become Krsna conscious, either if you try alone, with a teacher, or in a group. Unless you receive the mercy of the spiritual master, it cannot be awakened and developed."
On the order of our spiritual master, we hear the Bhagavatam and Krsna comes to us. "Persons who hear Srimad-Bhagavatam regularly and are always taking the matter very seriously will have the Personality of Godhead Sri Krsna manifested in their hearts within a short time" (Bhag. 2.8.4).
If Lord Krsna appears in our lives, then the relationship is defined, and we don't have to speculate. We will become His loving servants. Dhruva Maharaja wanted a relationship with Krsna in order to attain a kingdom. That means he didn't know Krsna or his actual relationship with Him. But when, by dint of his austerities, he saw Lord Visnu, his relationship was consummated. Dhruva said, "I don't want anything. I am satisfied simply by seeing You."
We may think our relationship with Krsna is lacking. We may even analyze the problem. But when the sun of Krsna rises, all our dark doubts will vanish. We will never consider them again. "Tat Srnu, now hear, 0 son of Prtha, how by practicing yoga in full consciousness of Me, with mind attached to Me, you can know Me in full, free from doubt" (Bg. 7.1).
Vaidhi-bhakti means serving Krsna even when we don't feel spontaneous love. This kind of regulative service is not as pleasing to Krsna as raganuga-bhakti, yet it is recommended because it leads to raganuga-bhakti.
We practice vaidhi-bhakti with our senses. Srila Prabhupada describes in his purport to Bhagavad-gita 12.9 that in the performance of vaidhi-bhakti, we rise early, bathe, enter the temple, offer prayers and chant Hare Krsna, collect flowers and offer them to the Deity, hear Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam - all under the guidance of the spiritual master. We also perform our prescribed duties as service to Krsna. Prabhupada encourages us to think, "I have been appointed to discharge this particular duty by Krsna." Then we will naturally think of Krsna.
But it's not that we can perform just any work. Srila Prabhupada writes, "One should, however, note that after doing something whimsically he should not offer the result to the Supreme Lord. That sort of duty is not in the devotional service of Krsna consciousness. One should act according to the order of Krsna. This is a very important point. That order of Krsna comes through the disciplic succession from the bona fide spiritual master" (Bg. 18.57, purport).
"No conditioned soul actually knows what is to be done and what is not to be done, but a person who acts in Krsna consciousness is free to act because everything is prompted by Krsna from within and confirmed by the spiritual master" (Bg. 18.58, purport).
How to free ourselves of complacency? Why don't we want Krsna more in our lives? Why do we feel uncomfortable even asking that question? Because it's too hard to surrender. We would like to know Krsna, but we can't pay the price of laulyam (the greed to attain Him). If we were to ask a pure bhakta, "Could you tell me how I could have a more intense and loving relationship with the Supreme Lord," he's liable to make demands on us that we can't accept. We can't do what it takes.
Imagine we once went to an officer training school in the military. And imagine we failed. That happened to me. I didn't fail because of my grades; I failed because I didn't want to go back for the second term. If someone were to ask, "Why don't you become an officer, " it will remind me of that bitter failure or distaste. It's a crude analogy, but let's use it for a start.
Do we associate the notion of attaining Krsna with something too difficult to achieve? If so, the thought of surrender produces feelings of failure and crushing humiliation. It's too uncomfortable to even think about. We would rather be accepted and honored.
We shouldn't confuse the issues and hide our failure. Attaining Krsna consciousness is done by softening the heart, not by hardening it. We don't have to compete with anyone else, and we cannot be cajoled into pure devotion. It's something we have to want to do on our own. Furthermore, there is no failure-whatever we do in Krsna consciousness is to our eternal benefit.
It's also a fact, however, that we shouldn't try for something beyond our reach. If a young man prematurely takes sannyasa, he will shame himself. It's better to take the slow and steady route, staying firmly fixed on the bhakti-marga and not to waste time.
"My dear Arjuna, 0 winner of wealth, if you cannot fix your mind upon Me without deviation, then follow the regulative principles of Bhakti-yoga. In this way develop a desire to attain Me" (Bg. 12.9).
If you can't distribute books, then preach in another way. Do something that takes courage, but is possible for you. Show Krsna your earnestness, and He will remove the obstacles on the path.
"In the beginning of Krsna consciousness, one may not fully discharge the injunctions of the Lord, but because one is not resentful of this principle and works sincerely without consideration of defeat and hopelessness, he will surely be promoted to the stage of pure Krsna consciousness" (Bg. 3.31, purport).
Am I still at the beginning of Krsna consciousness after all these years, my youth and middle age spent, and still unable to fully discharge the Lord's injunctions?
Yes, and it's embarrassing. I feel like a grown man having to sit at a child's desk in the lower grades of public school. I'm a left-back. At the same time, I act as if I am advanced and senior.
I look out the window and see the sheep grazing in the meadow. They can't think of Krsna or practice devotional service. All they do is eat, sleep, mate, and defend. They wear warm coats against the blustery winds. They are helpless, fearful creatures. In the end, they are slaughtered.
I pace back and forth and chant japa. Is this the paradise that souls can aspire for when they evolve from sheep to human, or from materialist to disciple of the pure devotee? We have to live our lives with humility. Our lives are auspicious.
We are fortunate to live in houses, eat cooked food, wear warm clothes, and especially to be able to chant the holy name, but, like the sheep, our time is limited.
Death is coming for us, too. Our only advantage is that we can cry out for loving service to Krsna.
Nondevotees challenge, "Can you see Krsna?" I know how to answer that because I have heard Srila Prabhupada's replies. Yes, I can see Krsna at every moment and so can you. Can't you see the sun? The sun is Krsna's eye. Do you know the taste of water? That is Krsna? How can you not see Krsna?
Or, Srila Prabhupada pointed to a picture of Krsna and said that that was seeing Krsna.
Or, he said hearing Krsna in the Hare Krsna mantra is just as good as seeing. "Why do you insist on seeing with these nonsense eyes?" Hearing is a better way to perceive Krsna.
I know tactful and Krsna conscious replies to give to those challengers, but when I am alone, I ask myself the same questions in private: "Do I see Krsna?"
Yes-and no. I see Him with the eyes of scriptures. I see Him in the natural elements. I believe He is His name and present in the recitation of His pastimes. But I don't have a spiritual body by which I can be with Him in His lila. Or rather, I have a spiritual body, but it's covered. As I said, I'm a left-back. It's serious. There doesn't seem to be anything total and radical I can do to change it.
Writing about my relationship with Him is nice, but my relationship with Him exists whether or not I articulate it. This writing is making it clearer to me that I do have a living relationship with Lord Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. It's not that, until Krsna touches me on the head with His conchshell, as He touched Dhruva Maharaja, I have no relationship at all. He is always with me. To the receptive devotee, Krsna's presence in gravanath-kirtanath visnoh-smaranam, etc., is just as good as seeing Krsna face to face. Srila Prabhupada's encouragement to us to take to Krsna consciousness through the bhakti process is itself a source of association with Krsna.
"Now we have got so many books. So whenever you find time, you must find time . . . So read all these books, or chant. But when you are hungry, take Prasadam. When you are sleepy, take a snap, not very much, just to refresh. And go on, either chanting on the beads, reading the books, or talking about Krsna, in this way always remain in Krsna consciousness. Smatavyah satato visnuh. Krsna consciousness means to remember Visnu always, twenty-four hours a day, some way or other. Type for Krsna, write for Krsna, go outside for Krsna, sankirtana party, sell books for Krsna, bring money for Krsna, spend for Krsna. Krsna, that's all. Everything Krsna, this is Krsna consciousness" (Lecture, May 31 , 1972, on Bhag. 2.3. 14-5).
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