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Repentance
By HH Satsvarupa Dasa Gosvami
From the book 'From Imperfection Purity will come about'
Submitted by Manoj
Some psychologists suggest that it is better to stay on the surface, although they may also agree that some regret is therapeutic. We read of catharsis. The Greek tragedies play this catharsis out. The characters go through intense emotional grief and become cleansed. If we fully partake of Bhaktivinoda Thakura's songs, we can experience transcendental catharsis. Why don't we let them cut our hearts?
The metaphors these poets use can be startling: "Ignorance has penetrated my heart with the intolerable burning pain of a pointed shaft." Who needs that? I keep it comfortably at a distance-as "poetry." But until I feel regret at my offenses and past and present misconduct, how can I make spiritual advancement? Why and how have I managed to cover up all these emotions? Is it really necessary that I go through them? Perhaps Krishna is making it easy for me because He knows my faith is delicate and I can't take too much. But that means I won't go back to Godhead. We have to go through so much austerity in spiritual life. The vrajavasis are always being carried on waves of often contradictory emotions. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they cry, sometimes they feel intense pride followed by crushing humility.
I don't have the answer to these questions I am asking myself, but I am convinced that we have to feel regret. I advocate it in my lectures and writings, although I don't personally feel it. I never even shed a tear in my solitary Bajana. My confessions are filled with descriptions of the deserts I cross while riding the chariot of the mind.
It is good at least to be writing this. I don't want to skim over these songs without trying to understand them. Srila Prabhupada writes, "Not only should one give up his past bad habits, but he must always regret his past sinful acts. This is the standard of pure devotion" (Bhag. 6.2.27, purport). And in discussing Mahdraja Pariksit's repentance, Srila Prabhupada writes, " . . . all sins unwillingly committed by a devotee are burnt in the fire of repentance" (Bhag. 1.19.1, purport).
Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura has written on this subject elsewhere also. In his essay entitled "Panca Sarmskara," he criticizes unqualified teachers who do not evoke repentance in their followers. "Without tapa or inner repentance, the soul cannot live as a Vaisnava. . . . Therefore, good friends, seek atonement without delay!"
Repentance is usually considered an early stage of Krsna consciousness. It comes when we are still troubled by sins, when we are unredeemed. I tend to think I am beyond this. By Srila Prabhupada's mercy, I am avoiding illicit sex, intoxication, meat eating, and gambling. I have no apparent sins. I don't say, "I would worship You, 0 Lord, but it is a useless hope" because I worship Krsna every day in the temple. Obviously, I am complacent. I have to go deeper.
I do commit mistakes. I do make offenses. I do have anarthas. I may not be grossly sinful, but perhaps my deeply embedded complacency is just as bad. Therefore, remorse is one of the first stages of recognizing and trying to get out of complacency. When we try again and again to chant, but again and again we don't feel anything, that is cause for regret. Sometimes neophyte devotees ask, "How should we think when we chant? Should we pay attention to the sound, or should we think of Radha and Krsna in the groves of Vrndavana?" But what if we can do neither due to nama aparddha? We should be sorry. We should beg the holy names for forgiveness. Repentance is a treasure, a rare gift. "If perchance a devotee commits nama-aparadha, then with an anguished heart full of contrition, he should become eager to chant continuously, for this alone will uproot his previous offenses and also protect him from committing further offenses"' (Siksastaka, Sloka 2, Bhaktivinoda Thakura's purport).
Until we admit our faults, there is no room for improvement. And as long as we want to avoid "feeling bad," we will not be able to enter the mood of repentance.
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