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Krsna is Great; Iam
Small
Excerpt from the book 'My
Relationship with Lord Krsna'
By HH Satsvarupa dasa Goswami
Submitted by Manoj
In Lord Siva's song, he states that the Supreme Lord in everyone's heart is the source of our inclinations and disinclinations. It made me think how I woke in the morning and felt disinclined to pray or chant. That disinclination comes from Krsna. "Because the asuras do not like to engage in the Lord's devotional service, the Lord within gives them the intelligence to forget" (Bhag. 4.24.41, purport). Lord Krsna knows everything. I am anu, an atomic particle of the Supreme Soul. "Therefore, I repeatedly offer my obeisances unto You. "
Lord Siva prays for purification of the false ego by engaging the self in devotional service. In ahankara, I act for the supposed welfare of my body and self, but I don't know who I am. When I act in my relationship with Lord Krsna, by rendering service to Him, then my false ego is dissolved and I attain true ego or selfawareness.
Various workers, yogis, and others want to see God in different ways-either as their order-supplier or to become one with Him. The devotees want to see Krsna in His complete perfection. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura said, "Don't try to see Krsna, but act in such a way that He sees you." That expression has a certain application. It doesn't mean a devotee is disinterested in his Lord's darsana. It means a devotee should first deserve, then desire.
May I one day achieve this state of loving service whereby Lord Krsna will be pleased to reveal Himself to me. Even now I hear of His personal activities and I desire to see Him as His devotees see Him. Lord Siva prays:
"My dear Lord, I wish to see You exactly in the form that Your very dear devotees worship. You have many other forms, but I wish to see Your form that is especially liked by the devotees. Please be merciful upon me and show me that form, for only that form worshipped by the devotees can perfectly satisfy all the demands of the senses" (Blidg. 4.24.44).
Srila Prabhupada discusses vidhi-marga and ragamarga. He warns us not to jump prematurely to a relationship with Krsna in His relationship with the gopis. Raga-marga is the highest, but devotees should worship the Lord in the temple according to vidhimarga.
We have so much to learn. We could read all day. Srila Prabhupada has written everything we need to know. Lord Siva prays to behold the Supreme Lord's two lotus feet. The nails of His lotus feet will dissipate all darkness in the heart of the conditioned soul. "My dear Lord, kindly show me that form of Yours which always dissipates all kinds of darkness in the heart of a devotee" (Bhdg. 4.24.52).
Srila Prabhupada writes, "... everyone serious about understanding the transcendental science and seeing the transcendental form of the Lord must first of all attempt to see the lotus feet of the Lord by studying the First and Second Cantos of Srimad-Bhdgavatam. When one sees the lotus feet of the Lord, all kinds of doubts and fears within the heart are vanquished."
Fear is due to bodily identification, but a realized devotee is free of fear. "The bhaktas, the devotees, are fearless and always joyful because they are constantly engaged in the service of the lotus feet of the Lord.... By practicing bhagavad-bhakti-yoga, one becomes fearless and joyful. Unless one becomes fearless and joyful, he cannot understand the science of God" (Bhag. 4.24.52, purport).
Someone may see the title of these writings, My Relationship With Lord Krsna, and think I am proud. They might think it's a sahajiya book and that I'm writing about my rasa with Krsna in Vrndavana. Just the use of the word "my" may seem less than the modesty we expect of a Vaisnava when he speaks of his personal life. But this book isn't puffed up or sahajiya. I do have a relationship with Krsna, my relationship. Everyone has. I'm a tiny soul (anu) who has a personal relationship with Lord Krsna, who is happy about that, but who is also bewildered about what to do next.
I almost want to deny my relationship with Krsna out of humility. But perhaps that kind of humility is not so healthy. What kind of humility is it if we say, "God doesn't love me. He has better things to do than to care for me. He seems to have forgotten me because of my poor service." Better that we own up to our relationship with Him and love Him for ourselves.
I am determined to advance in Krsna consciousness. That determination can become selfish or unbalanced. Therefore, we need the association of devotees and the spiritual master's guidance. Selflessness in Krsna consciousness is a rare gem. We are not meant to lose ourselves, but to give up material selfishness.
The dictionary defines the word "relationship" as, connection by blood, marriage, etc.; kinship," but our relationship with Krsna is not bodily. In His eternal pastimes, Lord Krsna sometimes appears as someone's son, cousin, or father, but actually we are all related to Him in spirit. He is the Supreme and all souls are part of Him. We have an eternal relationship of whole and part, of dominant and dominated. He is Purusa and we are prakrti. It's a permanent connection, unlike relationships based on blood or marriage. To make that connection is to perform yoga. Aham brahmasmi. I am not this body bound for death. Therefore, I am not this man's father, this woman's husband, this man's son. I am an eternal servant of Krsna.
We seek our relationship with God by going to His devotees. Lord Krsna says, "He is not My devotee who says he is My devotee. But he who is a devotee of My devotee is actually My devotee." With other Vaisnavas, we can hear and relish Krsna's pastimes. Satam pra sangan mama virya-samvido, "By association with pure devotees," sraddha ratir bhaktir anukramisyati, "real devotional service begins."
Ayi nanda-tanuja kinkaram-"O son of Maharaja Nanda [Krsna], I am Your eternal servitor, yet some how or other I have fallen into the ocean of birth and death. Please pick me up from this ocean of death and place me as one of the atoms of Your lotus feet" (Siksastakam, text 5).
Srila Prabhupada quotes the Siksdstakam when he responds to questions about how we should love God even when we don't feel His presence. "I know no one but Krsna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly in His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord unconditionally." Don't demand equal reciprocation. "Krsna may be a debauchee and go to all the gopis, leaving me neglected. Let Him enjoy as He likes, as makes Him happy. I love Him in any case. He is the only Lord of my life." We shouldn't say, "If He neglects me, then I reject Him. I'll be my own God or get another Lord."
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