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KC Nectar - Apr 22

11.  Kalasamvara Prabhu
(He was in the car with Maharaja. His wife will be honoured shortly.)

Hare Krsna. I don't know how people many are here as I don't have my glasses.

Different people have different relations with Krsna, same with the devotees. My relationship with TKG was based on friendship, and guidance. He didn't exhibit his power to me. Were were in touch by email. Great relationship. He'll be missed in my life, like it will be for everyone. Friendships are very rare in this world. We should appreciate devotees before they leave, express this, as devotees are so rare. Now the whole ISKCON is disturbed by one Vaisnava's disappearance. 

A devotees life is like chapters, when do we judge a person as we haven't seen all the chapters? We'll always remember this Festival as he added the hariman kirtan which is what we are here for. To relish Lord Caitanya's and Nityananda's mellows. SP said devotional service is an apprenticeship, to learn how to deal with the devotees on a higher level. . . If we believe Krsna, TKG has finished his apprenticeship. He was so expert and intellectually strong. His lectures can take us where we want to go. I hope as life goes on my conviction will get stronger. I can't help but think that he has finished his aprenticeship. I have full conviction of that.

He never chastised me, had great feeling, and will be dearly missed. How do you replace this? For us it's sad, for him with Krsna, it's the greatest. So we should think of that, we all want that, if he is there then it is a joyful day to think of him. 

I'll keep it short: TKG ki jai!

10.  Gaur-Narayana Prabhu

So Guru Maharaja, HDG Tamal Krishna Maharaja has left us in the midst of the ocean of grief. Though he is not present still his vani is present forever with us. So GM has now accepted a permanent residence in our hearts . . . when he was present we would remember him sometimes and forget him sometimes, but now in seperation we will always remember and try to follow.

Many of us had less association with Maharaja. They might feel alone, but on behalf of all of the Godbrothers I want to assure that all his disciples are never alone. The whole society is here to help them and guide in spiritual advancement. The way we saw yesterday how all came forward with love and consoled us and did all the correct activities for Guru Maharaja. So on behalf of all Godbrothers I express gratitude to all the devotees and God-uncles. Again this has proven that our society is in union and not dismantled. 

So about my relationshop with GM: He has been very affectionate and actually gave me residence at Giriraja. Once he wrote from Dallas that, "My dear Gaura Narayana, (sobbing) You are very fortunate to live there at Govardhan. But I am not so fortuante as for preaching I have to be away, so when I get qualified to live there I'll come". I wrote back, "You are the most qualified to live here, even if you are elsewhere your heart is here. I am not qualified, it is only your mercy that I am here, I have no qualification".

He told me that there your only service is to serve Giriraja and the devotees of ISKCON. So he got that project as a facility for the leaders and devotees so when they get tired from preaching outside, they can come and stay for a few days, do bhajans, parikrama and re-charge their batteries and enthusiasm. He made this facility for the whole society but he couldn't use it himself. He told me that after completing his thesis on SP's contribution to the world, after that I'll come for 2 months. (Sobbing) I'll give you sannyasa there. 

Once I was serving in Vrindavan, and when leaving I asked him "Gurudeva I have committed many offences while serving you. Pelease forgive me". He replied "You can't make any offence, by chastising you I made an offence. Please forgive me. I am doing it so you can serve in a perfect way. That was his mood in chastising us, to train us to be perfect devotees. 

Many may misunderstand that he is so heavy, but his real mood is to train his duty as guru. He always instructed us to treat all Godbrothers as equal to me. He taught us like that. We will try to follow this, treat our uncles, and now take shelter of them. 

(Crying)

Please excuse me, I can't speak any more. Hare Krsna.

9.  Radhanatha Swami

Vanchakalpa etc.

The first time I met HDG Tamal Krishna Maharaja was in March 1971 in Bombay. It was Srila Prabhupada's first major large scale programme in India with tens of thousands of people. I was asked to sit close to Srila Prabhupada on the stage. There was kirtan, he spoke from Srimad Bhagavatam, and at then end when he was leaving he walked in front of me. I went to touch his feet, just then Tamal Krishna Maharaja thundered: "No-one touches Srila Prabhupada's feet!" I was fearful and retreated. I thought it was an offence. Srila Prabhupada smiled and said to me "You can touch my feet." (laughter)

Next in Vrindavan in November 1971. Srila Prabhupada would give afternoon darshan and then the devotees would do sankirtan. I came from the Himalayas with long matted hair, not a devotee yet. So TKG saw me sitting with SP. And said: "All devotees must go out on sankirtana, no sitting here." I showed him my locks and said I was not devotee. And SP said to him also "He is not a devotee let him stay". (laughter)

This was TKG. He didn't concern himself with popularity. Just to serve the order of his GM. SP told him what do do, "don't let anyone touch my feet", etc. SP saw in him one who would do anything at the risk of his life, so he could entrust him with things that nobody else in the world could do.

SP wanted land in Mayapur, all the other devotees failed to get it. Then SP sent TKG. Brahmananda told me that SP sent TKG because no-one else could do it. It was against all odds, would take weeks, almost impossible. After great efforts he did it and returned to Calcutta at night. He came in to Srila Prabhupada's room: "I was waiting for you". Maharaja gave him the deed: "The land is yours!" Srila Prabhupada said, "Thank you very much, now you can take rest."

He told me the most hard service was to publish the first Krsna book in Japan. A whole story in itself. SP used him to do impossible things. When the books came to India SP wanted it for the pandal programme. But there was strike at the docks. Violent criminals were lined up to block, and beat and kill anyone who tried to enter. But SP wanted the books. What would you do? He went to all ministers, they told him no-one can get through, it's impossible. He went to Delhi, he would not accept that it's impossible. SP demonstrated this principle through him. Eventually some very big minister signed a paper, then he went from office to office in Calcutta. In the end he did it, had all the books to be distributed. 

He was Temple President in Los Angeles. Top temple in world. Then he went to London, SP called him there to enliven the preaching. Then he did it there, then Prabhupada called him to India to enliven the preaching. As Kesava Bharati Prabhu said he was unpopular sometimes as he didn't care for himself, only wanted to execute the instructions of SP, so all who love SP must be eternally indebted to him... Of all leaders SP wanted him by his side the most and had full faith in his surrender. If we keep his example and follow then we also become dear to SP and Radha Madhava.

TKG Ki jai! 

8. Visvambhar Prabhu, disciple.

The night before, he asked me to come upstairs and sat me down nicely. He said I would like to have your association though I am packing. And he was packing just like a baby. I was observing every single movement and I said "Oh you are very neat and clean and very organized. He said, "Yes Visvambhar I got this training from my mother. She is German. Tomorrow I'm going back home, right?" That's what he said, and I stopped, and assumed he meant home. "Oh, you like the home in England." Then he smiled. And then he was asking me some advice of what to do with some rupees that he had in his drawer. What to do? Either to take them to England or leave them here. It's illegal to take them out of India, I told him. "Yes I won't need". Then Naresvara Prabhu and Bhakti Purusottama Swami came. I know he likes to be with his Godbrothers, he said SP left him only this wealth. So I was just about to leave, saying goodbye. Then he told me "You go to the Ganga and pay my last obeisances, bathe and represent me". I thought last meant of this trip, but then the next morning. . . 

He was so excited while packing like a child going from boarding school to see his parents. I feel he was expecting to go. I think he knew. I remember in UK when he invited us to Christmas Dinner, along with Kesava Bharati our very dear uncle, he invited my family: "Don't serve, go to KBP and bring him and we'll all sit as a family. He sat at head, your uncle there, you as son sit here with your wife and kids on other side. We were eating, he said "this is very family-like, this like the last supper. It looks like the Last Supper." We had a toast like karmis, with a drink. Hold a cup with grape juice, and wished. His wish was "I hope everyone goes BTG soon."

All these indications. Last supper with my father. Ganga pranam on his behalf. He also said "I'm going back home tomorrow" I think he knew he was going. Pure devotees know Krsna's plan and guru's. But act like conventional. But I felt him very enthusiastic. He wanted me to come to Mayapur when he was there.

He wanted to give me these 15 days, I got deep realizations with him in kirtana and with his Godbrothers. About his affection to disciples and everyone. I finish here. I just want to say please all of you kindly, goduncles, godaunts, godcousins, to look upon us very mercifully. A great loss, very sad, we need to be kept in your mercy. 

I was supposed to be there in the car with him. My train was 5pm so I told him I don't know what to do in Calcutta for 6 hours so I'll take a taxi at 12pm. I feel very sad and just like the senior devotees said we have to take shelter of the holy name and senior Vaisnavas. So my duty as Godbrother is to ask all of you to kindly don't give up your determination or inspiration of your spiritual master and take association of his Godbrother and Godsisters who were his only family. Thank you very much, Hare Krsna.

7.  Niranjan Swami: 

Boston Gaur Nitai installatoin in 1976. He was doing the installation and came to me and asked me to please sing this melody for the whole installation. It was two hours long. Then he said this is my favourite tune. So I thought I would take the opportunity to chant it for him; last week we were chanting together, he was relishing it, remembering this as his favourite melody. So I chant it for his pleasure today. 

(Kirtana for 15 minutes)

6.  Abhiram Prabhu.

Vanchakalpa

TKG has been my dearest friend and brother since a long time. The most unusual relationship and combination of people. We are as different as oil and water. I didn't have any intention to love him but instantly I did. I met him in 1974. And from then on our realtionship was intense, moving, efficacious, inspiring, challenging, annoying, disturbing, but always always causing growth, increasing love. TKG was a Vaisnava, a personalist, not cultish not singular in dimension, he was multi-faceted. Like chuntey: hot and sweet at the same time. Always loving. Not love that is understood materially. Not always sugary. But always inspiring. 

A few words, this not cohesive, but here are a few comments: 

One of most profound aspects of my association with him was the sense of failing. I think you all have some experience of seeing him, speaking, sharing prasadam, or your heart with him. Whoever touched him came into his family and remained there. This was not an issue of convenience. God knows in my case he pulled me out of the gutter a number of times, I didn't ask or welcome him, but he did it. Now I can just be eternally grateful.

Impossible: He loved the challenge of the impossible and demanded it from us and got it. Obtained it. He tasted every type of joy and sublime rasa that a disciple of Srila Prabhupada could be expected to taste in this lifetime. One thing eluded him, as I know him, and I pray he has that now, and that is peace. I pray (choking) I know his connection with SP and Krsna is only deeply intensified with the death of the body. That which drove him which kept him up and annoyed him, that desire to unite I'm sure he has found that. Perfect union. Or will do so very shortly. 

Last word: Grief

I was with a very dear Godsister Kusa on the way to Vrindavan when I heard the news. And I began crying, vomiting, convulsing. She said I should grieve, but I had a different view. We grieve for those of this world whom we love or share, to let them go, release them and us from that pain. That grief should be engaged and dispensed and we go on. But the grief for a devotee becomes a part of us, moulds us, enables, drives us, it's not to be dispensed with, it beautifies the soul. So the Vaisnavas pray "I bang my head, no hope". This is the proof that a Vaisnava is on thee Absolute platform because even in grieving for him we get encouraged, strengthened, find our way forward. I think you will all know very well about this point. 

So I suggest this is a grief we should embrace positively since he was a Vaisnava, a contradictory person from a mundane point of view, always driving us, always loving us-- maintaining his family and expanding it selflessly, indiscriminatingly, not just ISKCON devotees, or Godbrothers, or men. . . . 

Vaisnava Gosai ki jai!

Thanks to Abhiram and to everyone for keeping your talks limited. Lot of speakers but can accommodate only if can keep in mind. TKG liked one tune of Niranjan Swami in 1976, so we'll sing it now. 

5.  Jahnava (wife of Ekacakra)
She is translator of Srila Prabhupada's books in Chinese.
(Speaks in Chinese with Ekachakra translating in English)

I don't know what urgent matter Krsna has to take away GM so suddenly. To me this just like thunder striking in clear weather. Sad experience. Not feeling sad for him so much because he has gone to SP and Krsna and is happy with them. Now I feel so much regret, tortured by regret. Krsna was so merciful to give me such a merciful GM but I didn't properly treasure it. I first saw him 8 years ago, initiated 6 years ago. Since then he was always so merciful to me. But I wasn't properly reciprocating and grateful enough. So fallen, he wanted me to take the elevator to Krsna but I was struggling with his mercy. To take diksa is in one sense a formal ceremony. But to try to do according to the guru's heart's desire isn't so easy. 

So in process of trying to serve him and be of one mind, I had 4 stages. Today I tell this in front of the Taiwanese devotees so they don't make the same mistakes at initiation. I speak in front of Radha Madhava, Srila Prabhupada, and all devotees in a confession so I can be relieved from the bottom of my heart. From the first day he gave me strong pressure. Then I was distributing books in China. He said, "I wanted to have a disciple in China who can do 100 Gitas a day". Then I was doing books for 8-9 hours, and do 30-40 at most. When I heard this I thought "This is impossible, I'll be spitting blood to do 100!" Then a devotee saw my doubt and came to me: "When guru gives instruction he also gives the power to accomplish it. Try your best to follow then you'll be successful." I didn't understand but tried. After 2 months, miracle happened. After 6 hours of book distribution, I had done 70 books. Then I went home tired. I thought "I did 70 in 6 hours, a little more then I could do 100." Next day I did a bit longer and did 90 books, 3rd day more than 100. 

(Clapping, Haribol)

(Choking) - not my own strength, Krsna was pleasing GM through me. Then I went to meet him in Hong Kong and he gave me his own murti of Lord Caitanya. He also gave me his chadar. But I was such a neophyte and hard-hearted and I didn't appreciate this. Then after initiation he told me translate in Chinese. He wanted all SP's books in Chinese in his lifetime and I couldn't do it. And in process of translation, some incident happened. These things are Krsna's tests to me but then I was stubborn and didn't understand. GM so wise, so experienced in management so when he considers something he does it best.

I was stubbornly attached to my idea thinking I was right and others wrong. Even though he spent money to fly devotees to the Phillipines to speak to me, he talked on the phone for one hour from America but still I failed. I was not submissive so my heart became harder. Even up to the point that I thought he didn't understand me, and I didn't want to see him anymore. Later by my husband's mercy I met many senior Vaisnavas and realized my mistake. Then I felt I was so dirty, unfit to appear in front of GM. When I had the chance to meet him I hid and tried to avoid his association.

This happened till about 6 months ago when we met him in Hong Kong. He personally said we now have to establish with full trust a father and daughter relationship. He said if you fully surrender then you will have no more anxiety or worry. 

Then I did as he said. And I finally started tasting the guru-disciple sweet relationship only for half a year. Just when I started to get it, Krsna took him away. So human beings are like this, they don't treasure something till they lose it. Now I don't know what to do. 

If I do something right who will encourage and praise me? If I do something wrong, who will mercifully and lovingly chastise me like he did? And when I doubt and hesitate who will help me with the right decision? The only solace is that this time he has seen so many devotees from Taiwan, which gave him so much happiness and satisfaction. This was his greatest wish and desire to have all Chinese people accept KC. It was the instruction he received from his own spiritual father. I have an unrepayable debt to him. So I can only try best to do some service for him. So he may be pleased and come infront of me again one day. (Applause)

4.  Ekacakra Prabhu
(He is one of the devotees responsible for preaching in China). 

Namo 'om etc.

So I have had quite extensive association with HH TKG in the preaching of KC in China. And just to illustrate a couple of the qualities he had I would like to relate some incidents from our preaching. As Giridhari Swami said just how TKG was such a determined preacher.

Once in China in 1988, there was no devotees so we used to attend English corners: gatherings of Chinese practising English together. We'd go there and start speaking. Find some way to preach to them. I remember once he in one hour could speak to someone who had no idea about KC, present them the whole philosophy in an easy and concise way. Take them to the hotel, feed them vegetarian Chinese prasadam. Some of them on the spot, everything first time, they would surrender and ask "What now?" Then he told them the 4 regs, 16 rounds and they started from the first day they met him. This is one aspect.

Expert, forceful preacher. Another aspect is his kind gentle nature. He appears heavy, but actually gentle and kind. I remember once in China the first time I cooked. I wasn't very experienced. He told us to buy vegetarian cooking books so the locals would relate and become vegetarian. I had no experience, and we know that to cook for him one has to be together. 

Every five minutes he was checking me. I was nervous. I managed a few subjis, rice, soup. I was serving but he told me to eat together with him. This was all in the hotel room. The kitchen was on the desk, the bathroom was for washing. Then he got up went to the bathroom, washed and came out and asked what he could serve me. I was a 6-month bhakta and he was serving me. I was embarrassed but accepted. As Kesava Bharati Prabhu said, he was one of the most misunderstood devotees, but I can assure you from my experience that nobody was more kind than him. So today I pray I become a perfect tool for preaching KC in China and a pure servant of HH Tamal Krishan Goswami and the acaryas, and develop the strength and humility to serve the Vaisnavas properly. 

3.  Giridhari Swami

It is difficult to speak in these circumstances, I was very shocked on getting the news. I had the great fortune from the beginning of my life in Krishna consciousness to have his association - many places, times, various types of service, and I witnessed a great unceasing determination to serve SP, through each and every activity he did. Many qualities we could focus, main is his determination to spread KC and overcome all obstacles. Particularly from when we went to Hong Kong in 1980.

In those days it was still British, but had tremendous restrictions and KC hadn't blossomed there. So from beginning he worked very hard to re-establish, worked with lawyers, had to grow hair, get society re-registered, just to lay the groundwork. No local devotees and we tried to conceive how to spread through yoga in an undercover way. A number of those attracted by yoga became our first devotees, and then we were able to do harinam, books, and all other outreach programs. 

From 1987 we were inspired by Kirtiraja Prabhu to try to do more in China. Up till then it was closed and one could hardly get a visa for more than a few days. But then opportunity arose. So inspired by him TKG said "now or never. Let's try". He was feeling the push of SP to do something bigger. We were bold, in devotional attire and did harinam sitting in parks for hours. Hundreds of people were attracted, surrounding us, inquisitive about us. In between the chanting he would speak with a translator, and attracted people, the first devotees. 

We kept on, then couldn't continue in that way, and again we went undercover, but this was the foundation. From that time we had number of devotees in various places, participating in KC. He inspired it, worked tirelessly all day, working working. How to organize better, improve, engage others, delegate, use time best way. . . . I witnessed all my devotional life with him that he was tremendously determined. Others would give up, he would overcome obstacles. Extraordinary. 

He was very kind personally though I didn't deserve it. He went out of way to inspire, encourage, train, give me responsibility. Always pushing me forward. Sometimes against my conditioned will but he knew how to get the most out of me. It was hard as I was limited, but later when I thought about it I saw he was always correct in his perceptions. What to do, how he trained me to do properly. Eternally indebted. From beginning to present, will go on for every breath of this life to render service to him and disciples and followers. I pray that together we'll be able realize his dreams in various projects and please SP in the way he strived to. 

2.  Message from Bhavananda Das, as read out by Sivarama Swami:

TKG is my dearest and first friend in ISKCON. I will suffer his loss for the rest of my life. First I lost my spiritual master and now I lost my best friend. 

Your servant, Bhavananda Das

1.  Speech by Keshava Bharati Prabhu. [a lot of text missing from this one]

Om ajnana timirandhasya…..

Tamal Krishna Goswami, when I heard the news yesterday I could not conceive of how it would be for you possible to be in the car and run into a tree. You were so attentive to details. Our lives were intertwined. During Prabhupada's presence when I watched you, when I assisted you in serving him, How attentive you were.

All day yesterday I could only chant Hare Krishna and it was inconceivable. I only could conceive one thing that Prabhupada has called you back. I want to make it as short as I can because I can't speak. The essence of TKG's heart was ecstatic love for Srila Prabhupada. Wherever he went before and after disappearance of SP he always had the murti of SP.

You're not an ordinary person. You are a great soul. Great souls are never attracted to anything mediocre. They are driven by energies that are very difficult to understand. I know that you're one of most misunderstood personalities that I met in my life. When Srila Prabhupada departed I was fortunate enough to be in the room and assist you in serving SP during those days. When SP departed the world became vacant. 

Externally SP used you to keep you, to use you with very deep intelligence and organize things to push KC from one place to another form San Francisco, to India, China, etc. He used you as an instrument because you wanted to …

Some people, please forgive me for mentioning this. Some people have actually criticized him for not crying when SP left this world .. how could he have the ecstatic love for SP when he was so unmoved … But the next day when we took SP on his flower airplane around Vrindavna, he was fanning SP and I was next to him. I was watching very carefully and tears started to shoot from his eyes, that it knocked his glasses off and he couldn't put them back on. At that moment I knew I was watching someone with ecstatic love for SP.

I could go on the whole day to explain so many things, but I want to say that in all the years that we were together when our relationship became so interesting that sometimes it became too hard to take, I would go and come back… And at some point I realized that I was being trained in a way that was inconceivable, and I was trained by a person who was trained like that by SP. I eternally indebted to you for the training that you gave me, for opportunities of service, for introducing me to SP. I am going to miss you a lot, a lot… He was so intelligent and so organized and I don't know.. somehow or other some different kinds of things that were… I pray to be able to be serve SP with you as soon as possible. It's not possible to explain it with any words.. it's inconceivable. 

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